(This reflection was written on March 15, 1993. Year 2020 or seventeen years after, when corona virus has wrecked havoc the world, I took time to dig into my collection of writings. I found this one very relevant in this time when we need to stay at home.)
Oftentimes, I am taught that man is a social being for which a sense of belongingness is inherently imbued with him. That his interaction with other people is a necessary pre-condition for his self-fulfilment as a person. To be with others, they said, fosters personal growth.
Truly, it is one of the greatest natural inclinations every human person must undergo which, under no stretch of imagination, could be denied. I, too, experience it in a daily dialogue with human reality of collectivity. But this idea of human nature is quite vulnerable to unguarded exaggeration which makes me feel I am caught in a sheer forgetfulness to fathom into my individuality and uniqueness.
As if I am pulled away to the extreme pole of social attachment which eventually bears fruit of identity crisis. My too much encounter with my community has somehow established self-fragmentation instead of wholeness and disintegrated attachment instead of smooth relationship. This, I am suspicious, sprung up from dissociation of my person from my own self.
It is from this point of self-confusion that my inward craving for my individuality strongly manifests. Being placed under an atmosphere of non-self-recognition pushes me towards discovering my identity as an individual being. In a plain certitude, my call to dig into my own abyss is a compelling necessity, overwhelming at that.
To be alone results to assorted yet homogenized experiences. It implies an inner joy which a human being seldom feels because he seldom appreciates. To be alone encompasses a feeling of wholeness and a gradual embrace of aliveness. It can secure for myself an attitude of self-assurance and confidence. There I can seek a value of independence and self-reliance.
To be alone is an open time to respond to daily call of my life from simplest details to hefty challenge of human existence. It’s a “pause-for-a-while” disposition in order to give space for my foresights and my total dedication towards my pursuit for human greatness. Under this condition, I am more capable to appreciate my own uniqueness—my hidden talents, attitudes and principles. It is time for me to recall my past creativities and achievements, though simple they may be, which if, thoroughly examined are all of my own making. From then on, I can show my outward expression of gratitude that after all, I am also an individual person possessed of creative tendencies.
In another dimension, a moment for myself will yield to an attitude of humility. To know more of my inner being could set me off for a relaxed acceptance of my human weaknesses. It will unfold my openness to take cognizance of my shortcomings but it will offer me chances for self-renewal.
A moment of being alone permeates me into a way for self-actualization. There exists, then, within me a permissiveness to mingle and readiness to reach out for others. I can be more self-assured and courageous to face the realities full of chaos and confusions. I feel I am composed. I am what I am. I find myself after an enduring search. Within me inflames an overwhelming joy and happiness.
The joy of being alone is indeed a very meaningful encounter a man could experience. It is a feeling of incarnation of oneself, a transfiguration from crockedness into evenness.
It is a joy free from superficiality and false identity. It is a joy full of depth, of composed feeling. It is a joy that erases divorced identity and boredom. It is a joy which adds fullness of life. In other words It is a miracle of my own self.
For us all, to be alone is not an isolation, not even a contrast. Neither it is a divisive attitude, nor an outpouring selfishness. But it is a inner inclination to create an atmosphere of serenity. A kind of creativity to understand more of oneself – its abyss, wholeness and purpose.
Becoming conscious of myself prepares me to understand the life of others and their sense of collectivity. It is them that my social dimension can find meaning in my newly discovered self. The way ‘out’ is the way ‘in’.
